We Are Nowhere And It's Now
by JustAnotherName
Summary: Ten years after graduation, Emma encounters her ex-boyfriend Sean, who is married to Ellie, and her much-hated ex-fling Jay, who is out to make things right. Jemma, Semma, you'll have to read to find out. A bit AU...but read and review!
1. Chapter 1: Bad Education

**Author's Note: Hey people. This is my first Degrassi Fanfic for this site. It might be a oneshot if no one reviews, or a twoshot if I have no more ideas. Anyway, it's told in Emma's point of view, and takes place ten years after her graduation. It's slightly AU, I guess. If you like it, please read and review, because my stories on fictionpress tend to get no reviews, so maybe if I write fanfics people will actually comment on my writing... **

**Chapter One: Bad Education**

Ten years had passed. Ten whole years. I tried to remember some details of my life in high school, but most of it was a constant blur. I remembered Sean – of course I remembered Sean – and I remembered Manny, who was still my best friend. I remembered Liberty, who I thankfully hadn't seen since graduation. And for some reason, I still remembered Jay Hogart.

The ravine was a one-time thing, and we never shared an intimate relationship after that, like I had hoped we would. We went our separate ways. Strangely, I still thought about him pretty frequently.

I knew Sean had joined the army. And he had never contacted me after that. I didn't know where he was living, or how he was doing, and I sure didn't know if he was coming to the Degrassi Reunion that night.

My stepfather, Snake, had come up with the idea of a Degrassi Reunion when I was over for dinner one night. My apartment got lonely after work, so I often stopped by my old house to have dinner with him and my mom. He was taking a bite of tofurkey when the idea came to him. The idea that Degrassi should have a reunion for all classes that had been gone for ten to fifteen years. That included my class, which had been gone exactly ten years, and a few classes before mine. I thought it was a great idea, so Snake pitched it to Hatzilakos and she agreed. The reunion was on.

I had bought a gorgeous dress for the occasion, and it had cost me a good amount of money. Not that I was especially poor, like Sean had been, but I wasn't exactly Donald Trump, if you know what I mean. The dress was thigh-length, black, low-cut, and…well, hot. I wanted to make my former classmates angry that they had called me all sorts of names in high school for protesting for things I believed in. And now, at twenty-eight, I was a new woman.

I arrived at Degrassi that night to stares. People gave me incredulous looks. Looks that said, "Is that…Emma Nelson?!" I liked it. I wanted people to wonder about me.

With Manny by my side, giggling as always, I entered the gym. People were milling around and laughing, sharing stories of the stupid things they had done in high school, back when they thought they were invincible.

Manny ran over to Liberty, who I did not care to talk to, so I wandered over to the punch bowl aimlessly. I didn't even like punch, I just wanted a place to settle.

A voice flew into my ear, suddenly. "Emma?"

I turned around to face whoever the voice was coming from, and my heart dropped. It was Sean. Sean Cameron, the love of my life, the boy who had abandoned me. I didn't know whether to be angry or overjoyed. I chose overjoyed.

"Sean!" I screamed, probably disturbing the peace, and threw my arms around his neck. "Where the hell have you been? You never tried to call me…or write me…or anything, after the army!"

He looked down at the newly-waxed floor and avoided my gaze. "Don't think Jay didn't tell me, Emma."

Now I was as confused as ever. Jay? What could Jay possibly tell him about me? "Um, Sean…what are you talking about?"

"Jay told me about how you two dated. And how you had the abortion. So that's why I never called. You can't just get pregnant with my best friend's kid and expect me to come crying back."

I was in shock. Pregnant? Abortion? Jay?! What a liar. Jay had LIED to Sean about me. "Sean, that's not true! That's a complete lie! I never dated _Jay_…I never even saw him after he graduated. Why would he tell you that?"

I knew Sean believed me by the look of realization in his eyes. Jay was a natural-born liar, and everyone knew it. Me, well, I lied sometimes, but I wouldn't lie about something as serious as this, especially not to Sean. "I'm so sorry, Emma, I never should have believed hi-"

He was cut off by the arrival of a woman. Her shiny red hair was perfect, and she was beautiful. Ellie Nash.

"Sean, I've been looking for you…I went to go talk to Ashley. Oh, hi Emma." She smiled and waved at me, then took Sean's hand. "Did I interrupt anything?"

My heart dropped again, but this time for a different reason. Sean and Ellie were together? I knew I shouldn't still have these feelings for my ex-boyfriend, but he _had_ been the love of my life at one point. And Ellie just didn't complete him like I could have done.

**Author's Note: Remember, read and review and I will love you forever. If you have any suggestions on how to improve the story, I'm here to listen, although I probably won't change what I think is going to happen. I'll update every few days, because I rarely get to use my computer alone, so yeah. R&R.**


	2. Chapter 2: If Only

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. Which means I do not own Jay Hogart, unfortunately. I only own my own made-up characters, like Mark. **

**Author's Note: I actually got a REVIEW. BIG thanks to AllieB0524, the first person to review my story. I'm continuing the story because of reviews, so if you like it, let me know. Well, here's Chapter Two. Love it or hate it?**

**Chapter Two: If Only**

"Oh, you're with Ellie?" I wondered aloud, probably not meaning to really say it. He nodded as if it should've been obvious. Obvious that he'd eventually find someone else and move on. That didn't mean I had to like it, though.

I nodded in response, and he looked at me carefully. Ellie looked uneasy as she clung to his hand and stared at the floor.

"I'm gonna go say hi to Jimmy, I'll be back in a bit…" she wandered off, leaving me and Sean alone. I gave Sean a look, a look I used to give him when I didn't approve of what he was doing. He recognized the look and scratched the back of his head in embarrassment.

"Look, Emma…" he began, trying to find the right words to say, the words that would pacify me. He was taller now, and more grown-up looking, dressed in a white button-down shirt and a black tie, two things I never would've expected Sean Cameron to wear. I wondered if he and Ellie were married, or just dating. The odds pointed to the former, but I tried to keep my hopes up.

I tried to make eye contact with him. "Look at what, Sean? You left me without even consulting me. You just believed Jay Hogart – out of all people – and left me for Ellie. Don't you understand what you and I could've had? Sean, we were together in **middle school**, didn't that mean anything to you? Didn't **we** mean anything to you?" I was getting desperate, and I felt tears start coming into my eyes. How could Sean be with Ellie…?

He reached down and placed his hands on my cheeks, which were wet from the onslaught of salty tears. He looked at me, right in the eyes, and I could feel butterflies prancing around in my stomach. "Emma, I'm sorry, but Ellie and I are married. This can't happen again – _we_ can't happen again. It's all in the past…we have to start thinking about the present." He let go of my face and gave me one more apologetic gaze before he walked away.

Manny and I sat in the living room of my apartment five hours later, laughing and telling stories of old classmates who we had seen that night.

She smiled and said, "I can't believe Jimmy was walking! He looked great, the doctors really fixed him, huh? And how about him and Ash…four kids! Who would've thought? Oh, and Paige…with Spinner! I knew it would work itself out in a few years." She rambled on and on. "Darcy and Peter, Toby and that guy…I always knew Toby was gay…Marco and Dylan still together after all these years." Then, her eyes dimmed a bit. "I didn't see Craig, though. I wonder what he's up to."

It was hard to believe that after ten years, Manny still had a thing for Craig Manning, even though she had a serious boyfriend, Mark, some small-time actor she had met at a loft party in New York.

Manny grinned mischievously. "And what about that _look_ you got from Jay Hogart?! He looked absolutely miserable, you know. What was up with that? He was staring at you half the night like he wanted to say something. That kind of creeped me out, since you were never even friends with him."

I tried to shake it off, and giggled. "I know, what WAS that about? He must've really liked the way I ignored him all through high school!"

Manny cracked up, and I smiled. It was easy to act happy, even after Sean had basically rejected me. But then, she mentioned him, and I felt about ready to crumble.

"I saw you talking to Sean. That jerk, did you set him straight for leaving you?"

I struggled to think of the right words to say, and I looked into Manny's chocolate brown eyes, trying to tell her without words. She didn't really get it, and gave me a questioning look.

"He's married to Ellie now," I announced quietly, and that was when Manny finally understood. She nodded and hugged me, while I wept freely into her shoulder. She knew all about my "undying love" for Sean, and she must've known how badly this was killing me.

We stayed that way for a while, silent until Manny had fallen asleep on the couch, and I had dragged myself into my small bedroom to think. I laid in bed, wondering why Sean had chosen Ellie Nash over me, his first love. Was she prettier? I didn't know. Smarter? Probably. But she definitely didn't understand him like I did. I also wondered why he had believed Jay on the spot, instead of coming to me to ask if all the abortion and pregnancy rumors were really true. And why had Jay lied in the first place? I knew he was a sniveling son of a bitch, but I never thought he'd stoop as low as breaking up my relationship with Sean. I wanted to kill him.

Before I fell asleep, I vowed to take Jay Hogart down. So he'd never ruin my life again.

The days passed slowly, with me going to work at nine a.m. and then returning before six. Sometimes Manny visited, but mostly she worked, and auditioned, and spent time with Mark. I was lonely, and had no other close friends, so I spent my days watching television and reading love novels. There was nothing else to do.

One day, my apartment's buzzer screeched, and I raised my eyebrow in confusion. Who would be buzzing me? Manny and my parents already had keys, and no one else ever came to visit. I pressed my mouth to the speaker and asked, "Who is it?" A voice found my ear and said, "FedEx. There's a package for you, Miss Nelson, and you need to sign for it."

I sighed. Of course, the one visitor I ever got, and it was a FedEx man. "Come on up," I said quietly into the speaker box, and I buzzed him inside.

A few minutes later, he reached my door and knocked. I fixed my hair to look presentable, then I swung the door open.

And there stood Jay Hogart.

**Author's Note: Oooh, the suspense. Hehe. Possible Jemma? Or is it possible that Emma will murder Jay? XD Find out next time...**


	3. Chapter 3: The Sound of Settling

**Author's Note: Another review! These are prompting the continuation of this story. Thanks to MilitaryWife for the review. ) Here's the third chapter. Hope you like where it's leading to...**

**Disclaimer: Nah, I don't own Degrassi. It'd be nice to, though. I wish I owned Jay and Sean...**

**Chapter Three: The Sound of Settling**

At first I just gaped in awe. Why was the man who was number one on my People To Kill list standing on my doorstep, with no FedEx packages in sight? Glaring, I tried to shut the door on him, but he pushed it back open. I frantically tried to recall what I had learned in high school gym class, a defense technique called Rape Escape, in case he tried anything, but I couldn't remember what I was supposed to do. If he grabbed my arm, was I supposed to twist around and put him in a headlock? Or just kick him in the groin?

"What do you want, Jay? Can you leave, please?" I tried to control my anger, but it was useless. If the kitchen knives weren't in the other room, I probably would've murdered him.

The dark-haired boy shifted his weight from one foot to the other, not answering my question. I looked up at him to see that his face hadn't aged, and his hair was still the same as it was when he was eighteen. If he hadn't ruined my life, I probably would've thought he was attractive.

Finally, he spoke. "Listen, Greenpeace, I shouldn't have lied to Sean. He got in my face yesterday about it, so whatever, I shouldn't have done it." He didn't look the least bit sorry, but stood there anyway, and I could feel the anger building up inside of me.

"You shouldn't have lied to Sean? No kidding! You and your stupid lies ruined my _life_, Jay. Don't you realize that right now, Sean could be standing right next to me? Sean and I could've been married! If you hadn't told him all that bullshit, my life wouldn't be lonely and miserable like it is now. So thanks a lot, Jay. Thanks a whole lot." I almost cried, but held the tears back, for fear that he would find some way to make fun of me for crying.

Jay shrugged and sighed. "Why?" I asked him, desperately. "Why did you make all of those lies up, Jay?!"

He shrugged again, and I wanted to choke him. "Because…I don't know. I honestly don't know. It was so long ago."

I shoved him into the wall, and he looked completely shocked, even angry for a second, but he didn't fight back like I'd expected him to. I'd almost hoped that he** would** fight back, so I'd have a good excuse to kick him in the groin. Not like this wasn't a good enough excuse. I kicked him there, hard, and he made an "oof" sound before he dropped to the floor, clutching his crotch.

When he got up, he didn't glare at me or take a swing at my face. He just gave me a bothered expression and shook his head. I knew he wasn't going to tell me why he had lied to Sean, but I had to try to put my life back together. "Jay, can't you go talk to Sean? And tell him what a mistake it was for him to marry Ellie?" Surprisingly, I found myself adding, "Please?"

"No, I can't, Greenpeace," I cringed at the decade-old nickname, and he continued, "He loves Ellie, and I'm not in the mood to mess up another one of his relationships."

I lunged at him again, this time backhanding him across his scruffy face. "He loves Ellie? Well, Jay, he loved me too, and you didn't care that you messed _that_ up, now, did you?"

"I've gotta go, I don't have time for this. I just wanted to make it clear that I shouldn't have lied. Goodbye, Greenpeace, may we never meet again."

"I can only hope…" I added, snarling.

He slammed the door on the way out, and I called Manny to vent. Life was getting worse by the second.

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

One week later, I was sitting at a table at The Dot, laughing and talking with none other than Sean. As he shoved fries in his mouth, we shared glances and stories. I had found out that he had started his own mechanic's shop, Cameron's Custom Cars, the one he had dreamt about for over ten years. Unfortunately, Jay worked at the shop, and Sean didn't seem too happy about it either. Him and Jay had remained close friends for years, but after the reunion, Sean had refused to talk to him. All because of his lies.

"I'm glad you called me, Sean," I said, blushing, through a mouthful of salad. He nodded, and I added, "But how did you get my number?"

"Manny. She was more than happy to give it to me."

I grinned, and made a mental note to shower Manny in hugs the next time I saw her. Even though me and Sean's get-together wasn't technically a date, I still considered it as one, and I had gotten dressed in my best casual clothes, to make a good first-date impression. "Where's Ellie?" I asked him, still grinning.

"Who? Oh, _Ellie_," he said, flustered. Almost as if he had forgotten about her. "She's at home. She hasn't been feeling too well lately."

"Oh, that's too bad," I replied, my voice dripping with fake concern. I knew Sean could tell that I didn't care if Ellie was dying, but he didn't say anything. He just glanced at me over his fries, and I felt his knee touch mine. It stayed there.

He had changed a lot since he was young. Taller, stronger, and more serious. He had finally done something about those gigantic eyebrows of his, which were now normal-sized lines. I pouted, because I had liked his thick brows in middle school, they gave him character. He no longer dressed the same way, with wifebeaters and hats. His hair was shorter, but he still looked like Sean. My Sean.

He put on a serious face and I became curious as to what he would say. "We should hang out again sometime, Emma," he announced, wiping his mouth with a napkin. "I miss you."


	4. Chapter 4: Take That Walk

**Author's Note: Here's Chapter Four! I've gotten lots of reviews, and thank you to each and every person that reviewed (all six of them XD). There was also a question, from pocksuppet. Pocksuppet asked why Emma hates Liberty in this story, even though on the show they are clearly friends. Well, the answer is that Liberty did something bad to Emma before Graduation, which will be revealed later in the story. I did not make Emma hate Liberty because I hate her on the show, I just chose her at random. I also made Emma hate Jay, and I love him to death on the show. See, just chosen at random. Also, the summary says that this fic is slightly AU, which means that I don't have to stick by the show. I hope that addresses everything. I love everyone who reads and reviews! D**

**Disclaimer: No, I don't own it. If I did, Jay wouldn't have to wear clothes during the show. oO**

"I miss you too, Sean," I said, totally taken aback at his display of affection. I tried to give him a longing stare as I said it, but it probably didn't work out too well. I was never good at giving people those cute looks, the looks that some girls could pull off effortlessly.

Sean grinned, and we began talking again, about our first date back in middle school, when a bird pooped on my shoulder as soon as I left the house. About fifteen years later, I finally thought it was funny. Apparently, he had thought it was funny the whole time.

I decided to take a risk. I had always been one to do things even when I knew I probably shouldn't. So I reached my hand over the table to grab his. He didn't protest, and our hands lay on the table, intertwined. His rough hands, just like they'd always been; rough from working on cars all day. It was familiar, it was him.

When the sky began to darken outside the windows of The Dot, Sean looked at the clock in surprise. "I better get going, Em. But like I said, I think we should see each other again." There was something in his tone of voice that gave me hope, and I nodded.

"Wait, before you go," I added in haste, trying to keep the man I knew I needed, "Manny's having a party at her new house on Friday and maybe you could come with me. If you're not busy or anything."

He thought for a few seconds, and then his eyes lit up. "Sure, Emma. I'll call you." And with that, he grabbed his jacket and left.

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_Friday_

I was standing in the front doorway of Manny and Mark's brand-new house when I heard a familiar scream – Manny's. My left eye twitched, like it always did when Manny screamed within one hundred feet of me. I saw her rush towards me with a mischievous look on her gorgeous face.

"Emma, Emma, Emma, you finally made it. A half hour late, of course, but you're still here…and I see you brought Sean! Hey, Sean, how've you been?" She was talking a mile a minute, and grinning at me the whole time. I rolled my eyes, anxious to get the explanations over with, because Manny was bound to interrogate me for hours after Sean was gone.

Sean looked a little overwhelmed, but hugged Manny hello and started a bit of small talk, before him and I headed off into the living room, where everyone had congregated, dancing and drinking and chatting.

There were a few people from the old Degrassi class there, just Toby and Liberty. I tried to avoid looking at Liberty, that wretched excuse for a friend, and stood with Sean in the middle of the room, sipping drinks and chatting amicably. I had a feeling I was sipping one too many, because I was starting to feel a buzz.

_No, Emma. Not now. You can't get drunk and do something you'll regret in front of Sean. You have one more chance, please don't screw it up! _That's what the voice inside my head was telling me, but I wasn't listening. I grabbed another glass of wine and chugged it down. Glass after glass after glass slid down my throat with ease, and I could literally feel myself loosening up with every sip. Sean was noticeably buzzed as well. His speech was starting to slur a little, but he still had control of himself. I had control, too. Well, until he pulled me into Manny and Mark's bedroom to talk, that is.

He closed the door behind us quietly and turned on a light. The room lit up quickly, and I had to shield my eyes from the sudden brightness. There wasn't much furniture in the room, only a king-sized bed with purple sheets and a wooden headboard, and two bookcases stuffed with books and DVDs. The walls were painted a light beige, like most of the house was, and two doors led to a closet full of Manny's clothes and a bathroom full of Manny's makeup. I half-smiled knowingly – Manny was a complete dive when she wanted to be.

"What is it, Sean?" I asked, curious. Did he want to tell me that he never wanted to see me again? That he was choosing Ellie over me? I shifted my position, anxious to hear his response.

"Sean, seriously, what do you wan-" My question was cut off by Sean's lips on mine.

**Author's Note: Did you like the suspenseful ending? Haha. You'll have to keep reading to find out what happens next. I'll give you a hint: More Semma, and eventually some Jemma. Maybe some other couples will form, as well. And the reason why Emma hates Liberty will be revealed, even though it's irrelevant. Bye!**


	5. Chapter 5: Thrash Unreal

**Author's Note: Back! I posted this story yesterday, and I've already written like five chapters. So you guys who're actually reading this should be happy, right? Then review! Yay. This chapter is pretty suspenseful, not gonna lie. Probably my favorite so far. So read it, and if you like it or hate it, tell me. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. If I owned Degrassi, my life would be more than just eating spray cheese. Also, I don't own the song lyrics featured in the beginning of this chapter. Those pretty words belong to the band Against Me! and the song is called "Thrash Unreal." It's a good song, give it a listen.**

_If she wants to dance and drink all night then there's no one that can stop her  
She's going until the house lights come up or her stomach spills onto the floor  
This night is going to end when we're damn well ready for it to be over  
Worked all week long now the music is playing on our time  
We do what we do to get by, and then we need a release_

You get mixed up with the wrong guys  
You get messed up on the wrong drugs  
Sometimes the party takes you places that you didn't really plan on going  
When people see the track marks on her arms she knows what they're thinking  
She keeps on working for that minimum, as if a high school education gave you any other options  
They don't know nothing about redemption  
They don't know nothing about recovery  
Some people just aren't the type for marriage and family

_And if she had to live it all over again you know she wouldn't change anything for the world._

I kissed him back with everything my pathetic, inebriated body could give. I had waited for a long time to kiss Sean Cameron again, and I didn't mind that I was a bit wasted when I finally got the chance. We became one body, as I threw my arms around his neck and he grabbed my waist and pulled me into him. His scent was new, cologne, something the old Sean would have frowned upon, but it was delicious, and I moved in closer.

If someone had walked into the room, I probably would've decapitated them. We were kissing furiously, and anyone who had the nerve to interrupt it was obviously better off dead. I could feel the fabric of his shirt, and I grabbed it in my sweaty hands, hopelessly tugging at him, trying to meld his body into mine. I was wrapped up in him, and we effortlessly dropped to the bed, throwing things off of it as if we owned the place. Coats, scarves, and purses fell to the floor, and room was made for us to do our dirty deed.

Quick and heartfelt, we made love. I don't even know how long we were in the bedroom, but when we left Manny and Mark's bedroom, party guests were still milling around with drinks in their hands, glad that there would be no work to accompany their hangovers the next day.

Manny caught my eye and rushed over, this time without the mischievous smile. She looked worried and concerned. "Where have you guys been? I haven't seen you since you got here."

I struggled to find an excuse for the sin Sean and I had committed less than five minutes ago. We glanced at each other for help, but I didn't know what to tell her, so I just shrugged innocently and mumbled something about talking privately.

She nodded, but then took one look at our messed-up hair and ruffled clothes, and my smeared makeup, and looked at me questioningly. "We'll talk later, Em," she laughed. When Sean turned away to glance at partygoers, she gave me a thumbs-up.

I tried to laugh back at her, but I couldn't bring myself to. _Now what have you done?_ I wondered ashamedly, wanting to bury my head in her shoulder and stay there until Sean went home. I had violated the vows of Sean's marriage, that's what I had done. I had broken his vows of loyalty to Ellie, and probably caused him more confusion than he'd ever had before, just because I had given into temptation at a stupid party. I felt horrible. I didn't know why, but I pitied Ellie. She didn't know that her husband had left the house a faithful man, and that he would come back that night a cheater. Poor Ellie.

Except he didn't go back that night. Because when he asked if he could come over to my place, I couldn't refuse his eyes. So he drove us back, insisting that he was sober the whole way there. I thought I noticed him driving a little crazily sometimes, but maybe that was just the way he commanded a car.

We arrived at my apartment at midnight, the witching hour. Fumbling in my purse for the keys to the door, I half-expected to see Jay sitting at my kitchen table. But, thank God, there was no Jay in sight, and I flicked on the light switch and gestured for Sean to make himself at home.

He did. He plopped onto my living room couch, tired as hell, and threw his feet up over the arm rest. Yawning, he reached for the TV remote, and turned on some program about illegal street races. Figures. I tapped my fingers on the coffee table that was littered with National Geographics, and sat down in the reclining chair next to the couch. I prepared myself for a long night of listening to Sean snore, like he always had.

But, surprisingly, he muted the show after five minutes, and turned to look at me. We were both beginning to lose our buzz, and the realization of what we had done was beginning to sink in. We spent a few seconds staring at each other, and then Sean shook his head. "I can't believe we…wow. Wow. Ellie can never know about this, Emma. Shit. And right when our marriage was going well…" He rambled on for a few seconds about how he had betrayed Ellie, while I tried not to listen. It was just as much _his _fault as it was mine.

"I didn't _rape_ you, you know. You started it." I pouted defiantly, and he smiled.

"I know. I'm kind of glad I did."

He pulled me onto the couch and hugged me, grinning. "We were something, Emma. Back in the day."

"Back in the day? It was what, ten years ago? Eleven? You make it sound like we're old or something." I played with his fingers, tracing the lines in his palms and making sure I could feel his body warmth.

"We are old, we're twenty-eight and twenty-nine. I thought that was ancient back in high school. I didn't even think I'd live to be twenty." I rolled my eyes at his pessimism.

"Well," I said, clearing my throat. "We're too old for dating, but I guess we're old enough for affairs now." His jaw noticeably tightened, and I knew I had touched a nerve.

"I don't care, Em. Old, young, whatever we are, I still know one thing."

"And that is?"

"That I love you."


	6. Chapter 6: I Never

**Author's Note: Aw, sorry I haven't written in a day or two, I was busy with problems with friends and school and such. But here's another chapter, a pretty long one, compared to my others, I hope you enjoy it. Read and review, it means a lot to me. The story already has over 500 hits, which amazes me. Keep on reading it! You will notice that some chapters have song lyrics at the beginning. Those lyrics are just there to describe the chapter, and won't be appearing every chapter, just some.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. Awwww. And Rilo Kiley owns the song "I Never," whose lyrics appear in the beginning of this chapter. R&R!**

**Chapter Six: I Never**

_I'm only a woman of flesh and bone  
And I wept much, we all do  
I thought I might die alone  
But I had never met you, so baby be good to me  
I've got nothing to give you, you see, except everything, everything, everything, everything  
All the good, And the bad  
Cause I've been bad, I've lied, cheated, stolen, and been ungrateful for what I had  
And I'm afraid habits rule my waking life, I'm scared  
And I'm running in my sleep for you  
But all of the oceans and rivers and showers will wash it all away, and make me clean  
For you_

_So let's take a loan out  
Put it down on a house  
In a place we've never lived  
__In a place that exists  
In the pages of scripts and the songs that they sing  
And all the beautiful things  
That make you weep but  
Don't have to make you weak_

_Cause I never, never, never loved somebody the way that I loved you._

**Six weeks later**

I stretched my legs out as far as they could go, and felt my big toes cracking the second I bent them. The noise of the two simultaneous cracks made me cringe – the sound of bone-on-bone action. My hair was all over my face, so I blew a few pieces out of it and sat up in bed, leaning my back against the wooden headboard.

Looking to my right, I saw Sean, still sleeping quietly, no snores like the ones he usually emitted. He looked peaceful, and stirred after a few seconds. Opening his eyes, he smiled sleepily and placed his hand over mine. I felt his thumb rubbing it gently, and he asked, "Sleep well?"

We both exchanged big, knowing smiles. My sleep had gone well, but what we had done _before _bedtime was even better. For the past few weeks, we'd been seeing a lot more of each other, which was a good thing and a bad thing. It was good thing because we were in love, but there were more cons than pros. Every time I saw him, it had to be somewhere kind of far from any place that Ellie might catch us, or at my apartment. I was also still feeling horrible for Ellie.

"So," he said, changing the subject, "Should I come back over tonight? Or should I go home to Ellie? Hm…Emma or Ellie, Emma or Ellie. I pick Emma."

It made me happy, but also sort of aggravated. Ellie **was** his wife; he couldn't just ditch her every night of the week to hang out with me. "Sean, why don't you hang out with Ellie tonight? She's probably lonely, considering you've been at my place every night for the past nine days."

He sat up next to me and kissed my forehead. "I love you more."

It was what I had wanted to hear for the longest time…so why did I feel uneasy? Sean was making me ten times as stressed as I usually was, with his adultery and false promises, saying that he would leave Ellie in a little while, he just had to give her more time to realize that their marriage was falling apart. He'd hoped that she would divorce him, so it wouldn't look like _he_ was the bad guy. But in the past month, Ellie hadn't budged. In fact, she'd barely even noticed that Sean was gone, apparently. Her behavior hadn't changed, and he was starting to suspect something.

With a slightly queasy expression on my face, I looked him in the eyes, trying to tell him that it was time for a serious discussion. He seemed to understand, and focused his attention on me, raising an eyebrow in curiosity. "Do you ever think we should stop this whole sneaking-around thing?" I blurted out, regretting the fact that I'd said it while at the same time giving myself a mental pat on the back for being honest with him.

He looked at me incredulously, almost as if he couldn't believe that I would doubt our relationship. He pressed his lips together and sighed. "No. We can't. You know I love you. And I know you love me, so why stop?"

"Because you're _married_, Sean. You have a _wife._ I don't want to just be your girl on the side, your affair. I want to be first, I want to be your **only** girl. Obviously, I can't have that when you're with Ellie, so we should probably let this whole ridiculous affair go."

Well, now his face was even more bewildered than before. Surprisingly, he laughed. It wasn't a hearty laugh, but not a nervous one either. Just an unsure one. "I've made up my mind, Em. I'm going to leave her tonight, okay? So that means you'll be my only girl. You're much more important to me. I love you."

Smiling, I congratulated myself for standing up to him in the first place. Because it had gotten me my Sean back. My feelings of sympathy towards Ellie vanished quickly, and I found myself wishing I could see the look on her face when Sean would tell her the bad news. I threw myself onto Sean, showering him with kisses, when his phone rang.

"Hello? Yeah. Uh, alright, sure. 8:00…fine with me. See you later, bye." He hung up quickly and smiled so wide I thought his teeth would fall out. I gave him a curious look.

"That was Ellie," he said, answering my mental question. "She wants me to have dinner with her tonight at The Dot. I'll break it off with her there, it's the perfect opportunity. It's a public place, so she won't shout at me or anything; it'll be much more peaceful."

"Good luck."

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

At 1 a.m., I was sleeping soundly, having a dream about a tree that could talk, when I heard a loud noise coming from my living room. My eyes shot open, and I grabbed the bat that was lying next to my side of the bed. _Whoever it is, is gonna get a mouthful of metal_, I thought, trying to reassure myself that it was just the wind. Too bad all the windows were closed, and wind didn't make loud noises like that.

Stumbling blindly into the room, I flicked a light switch and saw nobody there. _That's weird_, I thought. But then I realized the noise was coming from my door. Someone was knocking. _Wow, Emma, put the bat down, way to get worked up over someone knocking…but who would knock on my door at one in the morning?_ Groaning, I realized it was probably Jay. I'd have to pick the bat back up if it was, because I wasn't in the mood for his bull tonight.

Opening the door, I saw Sean. "What are you doing here, it's one in the –" I tried to speak, but he walked inside with a dark look on his face, no humor or laughter involved. What the hell was going on? I was getting really freaked out.

"Emma," he said abruptly, and the tone of his voice frightened me. Not angry, not sad, but a calm tone tinted with worry. "I can't see you anymore."

"What? Why the hell not?" I yelled, running over to where he stood in my kitchen, leaning on a chair for support. "WHY not?"

"I can't. I'm sorry. Listen, don't call me anymore, it's not your fault. Bye." And with that, he whisked himself away and out the door, leaving me standing there alone.

_What in the name of God just happened…?_

_**Flashback**_

"_So, why were you so in the mood to have dinner?" Sean asked, trying to force a laugh as he pretended everything was alright. "Trying to fatten me up?"_

_Ellie giggled, and he was reminded of how cute she could be. "No, just wanted to talk," she said through a mouthful of bean soup, blowing on it to cool it off. _

_He took a sip of water from the clear, tall glass set down in front of him. This wasn't going to be easy to break to her, but he had to say it. "Listen, El, I've gotta tell you –" _

_But she held her hand up to signal for him to be quiet. "My news first!"_

_"Alright," he said, nodding grudgingly. "Your news first."_

_"Sean…I'm pregnant."_

_He dropped the glass, and it shattered into a million little pieces all over the floor. "Oh my God…" he whispered._

**A/N: Like? Dislike? R&R. And by the way, kerrbear7 was right when she reviewed, Ellie's pregnant. XD As you probably figured out from those last few sentences...haha. **


	7. Chapter 7: Mutt

**Author's Note: Here's Chapter Seven! Also, I don't know if they have 1-800 numbers in Canada, but I put it as a phone number anyway. Forgive me, I'm an American, I don't know these things. Oh my God, who LOVED the Degrassi Spring Break Movie?! The ending was adorable. And there was so much Jay involved, I was very happy. READ AND REVIEW!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. I do, however, own the idea of P&R Auto Body. Yay, I finally own something in my own story. Also, Blink 182 owns the song lyrics in this chapter. They're from a song called "Mutt."**

**Chapter Seven: Mutt**

_He pauses shaving and he tells himself that he is the bomb  
She has her curlers set, her credit cards are paying the funds  
He's not that old, I've been told  
A strong sexual goal_

_They go out every day  
She goes every way...oh yeah!  
They don't even care at all_

_She's open waiting for more  
And I know he's only looking to score  
And it is way too unhealthy  
Often they've typically  
Been starved for attention before_

_She smokes a dozen and he doesn't seem to notice the smell  
He took the seat off his own bike because the way that it felt  
He wants to bone, this I know  
She is ready to blow_

_They go out every night  
His pants are super tight...oh yeah!  
They don't even care at all_

She couldn't believe what had happened the night before. After her encounter with Sean, she had gone back to bed in a daze, hoping that it had all been a dream, but knowing deep down that it had happened. She woke up early, forgetting about it for a split second, but then remembering quickly. The knocks on her door, grabbing the bat, Sean rushing in and saying his quick goodbyes. She couldn't make heads or tails of it.

She called Manny, who wasn't of much help. "Come over to my place, Em, we need to talk about this in person. Maybe then we can figure out what's going on with that demented boy of yours."

"He's not my boy anymore," Emma had responded through gritted teeth, but she grudgingly got in her car and began the ten-minute drive to Manny and Mark's new house.

About five minutes after leaving, she was approaching a stoplight when her car began to sputter, and she pulled into a vacant parking lot in frustration, where her car promptly broke down, refusing to start no matter how much Emma coaxed it. She banged her head on the steering wheel and shrieked, wondering if the day could get any worse.

_How am I gonna have this towed? The only mechanic's place I know is Cameron's Custom Cars; I can't exactly call them, can I?_ Faced with no other option, she sighed and dialed the number of Sean's garage.

"Hello?" he answered, voice strong and friendly. _He sounds fine for a guy that just dumped his girl on the side. _

"Hey, Sean, sorry to call you, but my car broke down on Hoover Street. Do you think you could send a tow truck?" She tried to sound happy and amicable, but it was forced and they both knew it.

"Emma, I told you not to call me again. I'm sorry, but I can't help you. Why don't you call this number instead?" He quickly repeated a telephone number and hung up. Emma's face contorted with rage. _He hung up on me! That bastard!_

She dialed the number Sean had recited. It was easy to remember. 1-800-OUR-SHOP. She waited for a minute while the phone rang, and finally someone picked up.

"P&R Auto Body, what's your issue?" the voice boomed, sounding sarcastic and intimidating. She recognized it at once. Sean had given her the number of a shop that Jay worked at. She seethed, wishing she'd kept the baseball bat handy the night before.

"Jay, it's Emma. My car broke down on Hoover. Get me a tow truck." She loved the fact that she had the power to boss him around at his job, and her tone took on an arrogant air as she sniffed into the phone. "And make it quick, I have to get to Manny's today."

The phone clicked and the dial tone filled her ear. _Why is everyone hanging up on me?_ She wondered, angry.

Ten long minutes later, a blue tow truck bearing the words "P&R AUTO BODY, TORONTO" slowly pulled into the parking lot, and Jay stepped out of the driver's side, looking annoyed and unhappy. He walked over to Emma's window and she rolled it down. "You're gonna need to get out of the car if you want me to tow it, Greenpeace," he said, wiping his greasy hand on his navy coveralls.

She opened the door and stepped out, trying to step on his foot in the process, but missing it completely. "Now where do I go?" she asked him. He pointed to his tow truck's passenger side, and she walked over and climbed in, pissed off that she had to share a car with Jay. She stared out the front window until he got into the driver's seat next to her.

"So we meet again, woman. Never thought I'd see your face again." He smirked at her and started the car, as she rolled her eyes.

"I thought you worked at Cameron's Custom Cars," she said, puzzled. That's what Sean had told her that night at The Dot.

"Seany Boy fired me a couple weeks ago, for no reason. Whatever, it's his loss. I'm at P&R now. Much better than his stupid garage." She noted the hint of regret in his voice, and she could tell he didn't mean what he said. He and Sean had been best friends, after all.

"Oh."

They drove in silence for less than ten minutes, and she took in the scenery around her while they drove. Tall buildings, houses, coffee shops, bars, restaurants, libraries, schools. Jay listened to the radio, blasting loud metal-type music out of the window, which earned nasty stares from most pedestrians.

When they arrived at P&R, Emma hopped out of the truck as fast as she could, glaring menacingly at Jay in the process. He ignored her evil stares and walked into the garage, motioning for her to follow.

There were about six other people in it, all working and laughing, dressed in the same coveralls as Jay, but with different nametags. Cars were all over the place, some suspended from the ceiling, others raised up on platforms with guys working under them. It was slightly dark inside, but a few light bulbs dotted the ceiling, lighting the areas around them. A few refrigerators were on the floor, with six-packs waiting to get stacked in them. Tools and stools were scattered around. Emma smiled. It felt friendly, even homey; she loved it.

"Are you gonna follow me, or are you gonna keep staring at everything like a friggin' tourist?" Jay snidely remarked, tossing a greasy, white towel to the ground.

She followed him without words, still looking around the big garage. She could hear music playing softly, the same kind of music that Jay had blasted in his truck, but this time she didn't think it was as bad as she had first thought it to be.

After a few minutes of working on the car, which was leaking some strange looking liquid and smoking, Jay shut the hood. He wiped his hands on his coveralls again, and turned to Emma. "Well, it looks like your head gasket's blown. Gonna cost more to repair it than to get a new car, probably."

Emma's face fell. She couldn't get a new car! Her car was her baby. "No," she said defiantly, causing a few of the other mechanics to eavesdrop. "I'll pay anything. Just fix it, Jay."

Jay shrugged. "Fine, but you're gonna need to buy me the parts, if you want me to fix it. You can start off by buying me this stuff." He made a list of items, none of which Emma recognized, and handed it to her. She had no idea where to find the items, but she took it without question.

"Bring them to me tomorrow," Jay added. "And get out of here, will ya?"

With one last glare, Emma left the garage on foot, realizing two minutes later that she'd have to walk home without visiting Manny, since the garage was only a few minutes from her place, but a back-breaking distance from her friend's. She cursed Jayson Hogart under her breath, and headed home.


	8. Chapter 8: A Perfect Sonnet

**Author's Note: As many of you may have noticed, the beginning of this story was told in Emma's point of view. Well, I decided it was easier to make it a third-person point of view, so I could get everyone's thoughts and feelings into the story. I hope you readers don't mind, but I just thought it was best for the story. On another note, I'm really sorry I haven't updated in so long. I've been going through almost the same exact thing that Emma was going through with Sean, which is pretty ironic. Read and review!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. And I don't own the lyrics to "A Perfect Sonnet," Bright Eyes does.**

**Chapter Eight: A Perfect Sonnet**

_Lately I've been wishing I had one desire, something that would make me never want another  
Something that would make it so that nothing matters, all would be clear then  
But I guess I'll have to settle for a few brief moments and watch it all dissolve into a single second__Try to write it down into a perfect sonnet, or one foolish line_

_'Cause that's all that you'll get, so you'll have to accept  
You are here, then you're gone  
But I believe that lovers should be tied together, thrown into the ocean in the worst of weather  
__Left there to drown, left there to drown in their innocence_

_But as for me I'm coming to the final chapter, I read all of the pages and there's still no answer  
Only all that was before I know must soon come after, that's the only way it can be  
So I stand in the sun and I breathe with my lungs  
Trying to spare me the weight of the truth_

_Saying everything you've ever seen was just a mirror, spent your whole life sweating in an endless fever  
Now you're laying in a bathtub full of freezing water, wishing you were a ghost  
But once you knew a girl and you named her lover  
Danced with her in kitchens through the greenest summer  
Autumn came, she disappeared, you can't remember where she said she was going to  
But you know that she is gone 'cause she left you a song that you don't want to sing  
_

_Singing I believe that lovers should be chained together, thrown into a fire with their songs and letters  
Left there to burn, left there to burn in their arrogance  
But as for me I'm coming to my final failure, killed myself with changes trying to make things better  
Ended up becoming something other than what I had planned to be_

_Now I believe that lovers should be draped in flowers and laid entwined together on a bed of clover  
Left there to sleep, left there to dream of their happiness_

The next morning, Emma busied herself with purchasing her car parts. She walked to a store that sold almost everything imaginable and handed Jay's list to an employee, who promptly found every item and neatly packed them in a basket for her. She purchased the items, about eight or nine in total, and set out on foot to the garage. It was a pretty day out, the beginning of spring, so she didn't mind.

"Ah, so you finally got off your ass and went to the store, eh?" were the first words that greeted Emma when she stepped into P&R. Jay was under her car, with just his legs sticking out, and she fought the urge to laugh. Clinking sounds emanated from under the car, and he slid out to face her, covered in grease. She giggled.

"Yes, I went to the store, Hogart. Didn't think I'd just give up on my car, did you?" She handed him the large paper bag with the parts in it, and he stuck his nose inside of it to make sure she hadn't left anything out.

"Looks fine to me," he announced a few seconds later, nodding in surprise. She sighed in relief, and Jay nodded. _Wow, can't believe Greenpeace did something right for once, _he thought. _That's a first…_He popped open the hood of her car and began to pour some green liquid into it.

Emma looked distracted. "Where is everybody? There were like ten people here yesterday, and now it's only you."

Jay glanced up at her from under the hood and stopped pouring the green stuff. "They have off. It's Sunday."

"Then why don't you have off?"

"Because I told you I would start fixing your car, alright? God, what's with all the questions?" He started pouring again and adjusted a part with a wrench. Wiping his brow, he tried to ignore Emma, who was still staring at him.

_That's really nice of him. He came into work on a Sunday for me. Can't believe Hogart did something right for once. That's a first, _she thought.

"You didn't have to do that, you could've waited another day," she spoke aloud, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. "I mean, my car doesn't need to be fixed right away."

Jay shrugged. "Whatever. Come back tomorrow to see how it's doing."

Emma left without a goodbye and walked home. _This walking thing is getting really annoying, _she fumed inside of her head.

When she opened her apartment door, she was shocked to see Manny standing in her living room. _Why does everyone keep showing up at my house when I'm not expecting them?_

"Em, big news." Manny looked worried, and even a little angry as she stood there wringing her hands. She hadn't bothered to brush her hair, either.

"What? Tell me!" Emma was practically begging her for answers, walking over to her best friend quickly and grabbing her arm.

"Sean left you because Ellie's pregnant."

Emma could feel her knees start to buckle and her vision went a little blurry. Ellie? PREGNANT? With Sean's child? That had been Emma's lifelong dream, what she had strived for. She had wanted to start a family with Sean Cameron, and now Ellie Nash had beat her to it. Feelings of not just anger, but **murder**, ran through her head. She wanted to kill Sean's wife, to make her feel the pain that Emma was feeling as she collapsed onto the couch. Sobbing, she turned to Manny. "Why? Why does it have to happen to me?" she cried, and Manny held her hand.

"How do you know, anyway?" Emma asked.

"Well," her best friend began, looking uneasy, "Sean called me this morning, and told me to tell you. He said he didn't want to tell you in person, because he didn't want to see how hurt you would be."

_Of course I'd be hurt! Sean and I talked about marriage together! We talked about having our own kids! Why would he leave me for someone who has no right to bear his child?_ Thoughts were swirling around Emma's head like clouds in a tornado.

"I wish I was dead," she proclaimed, closing her eyes and hoping for the eternal rest.

"Don't say that, Em. He's just a boy."

"JUST a boy? Sean Cameron is not JUST a boy. He is the love of my life, the only boy that ever understood me. The only boy who ever cared about me. The only boy who listened to me, and wanted to take care of me, and would willingly take a bullet for me. He almost DID take a bullet for me, in case you forgot, Manny. So don't tell me that Sean is just a boy. He's much more."

Manny sighed, almost defeated. "But there will be other boys, Emma."

"No, there won't be other boys! Don't you realize that we're twenty-eight years old? We're almost thirty, and no boys want to commit to a relationship this late in their lives. You have Mark, and you are SO lucky you found him, because now you won't be miserable and alone for the rest of your life like I will. It's no use, Manny, I feel like an old maid. I'll never have children, will I? I'll never wear a wedding gown. My life is pointless."

Manny just sighed, and, giving up hope on her friend, left the apartment silently.


End file.
